The Embodiment of Love

When I learned that I was to be a mother for the first time I was ecstatic, even though my husband and I had recently separated. I remember climbing into the car in a daze, and then as I drove east toward the Salt Lake City Wasatch Mountain Range, I had what was a mystical experience. Looking at beautiful “Mt. Olympus,” I suddenly felt the presence of God with me and knew that with God I could do this. I could bring this baby forth with God’s help and be a single parent if needed.

I gave birth at home, with my mother serving as my coach. My naturopathic doctor’s wife was assisting as well, while he sat in my living room meditating. Then, at the end, she called him into the bedroom, where he finally helped to deliver my sweet baby into the world.

My mother and I were astounded since Chris came out, all powdered and white. He looked up at both of us and smiled and showed his dimples! Most people would say it was gas, but mom and I knew better. And he deeply loved his Grandma for the rest of her life!

While this was going on, my aunt was in the kitchen sanitizing towels in a warm oven, bringing them into the room as needed. All of this was supposed to be ready weeks before, according to the list the doctor gave me, but my nine-pound baby came a month and a half early! It turns out there was a serious time miscalculation. Because it was a naturopathic doctor, the exams throughout the pregnancy were less invasive, but also less informative!

It was October 2 in Salt Lake City, and the weather had changed, so that morning I turned the heat on in my house for the first time. Then I ran out and bought all of my supplies, even though I thought I had at least six weeks to go! Thankfully I did, since he came that night after 4 ½ hours of labor!

By the time my second son Justin came nearly seven years later, I was re-married and living in Redding, California. My husband was my coach, and we decided to use the hospital birthing room for the delivery. But at the last moment, my baby went into stress and we ended up in the regular hospital room, anxiously awaiting his arrival. It turned out the cord was wrapped around his neck, so I was so glad that we chose a hospital instead of a home delivery. After some anxious moments they got him to breathe and then set him on my stomach.

What was strange about it all was that during my first pregnancy I had vivid dreams of Chris and absolutely knew he was a boy all along. During my second pregnancy I dreamed the baby was a girl, and was shocked when I saw HIM on my stomach! My thought was, “Oh, he’s a trickster.” And sure enough, he has that kind of humor and, growing up, he always played tricks, especially on his older brother!

I was with his father until he was seven and Chris was 14, and then we divorced, so once again I was a single parent, and have been ever since. My second husband has always stayed involved, while the first just stayed in touch. He has since passed away.

Recently my son Chris, who is in restaurant management, had to fire someone. He said it was the most difficult one he had ever done, and it was because the woman was a single parent with a small child. But her behavior had been inexcusable, and for the good of the company he had to think of everyone. But I know he thought of me and all I went through, raising my sons alone, and he also thought of his own daughters, who luckily have both parents at home.

I know Chris and Justin, both living far away from one another and from me, will call me on Mother’s Day as they do every year without fail. They are still the joy of my life. And now so are Chris’ two daughters and Justin’s two sons. And I am blessed with two sweet daughters-in-law as well!

I am so grateful to be a mother, a mother-in-law and a grandma! And yet I know for those women who could not be, that each person has the potential to create that nurturing in one’s life. Motherhood is the embodiment of love and we all have that gift of love to share.

Meister Eckhart, the great mystic, said, “We are all meant to be mothers of God.” We are all meant to bring forth love in the world.

Love & blessings,

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